What Love Is Supposed To Be
by Ryuuza
Summary: A brokenhearted girl leaves her ex a list of everything that wasn’t, but should’ve been. [H/Hr] one-shot fic


**What Love Is Supposed To Be**

_A brokenhearted girl leaves her ex a list of everything that wasn't, but should've been._

She dragged the back of her hand across her eyes, wiping away the remaining tears.  There was no use in crying anymore.  It was over.  She was just thankful that it was the end of her 6th year.  They'd have a whole summer apart to forget about each other or at least forgive each other.  Then she'd only have one more year in which she'd have to see him, or avoid him, if that was how it came to be.

Her letter clutched in one hand, her luggage levitating behind her, she made her way down the front steps of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  She cast one last gaze at the beautiful castle, fondly remembering all the good times she'd had in the past year, then saddening as she remembered all the good times that should've been but never was.

The last few months, after they'd finally admitted their feelings toward one another and taken their relationship to another level, were supposed to have been incomparable.  Brilliant, marvelous, better than anything she'd ever dared dream.  But it hadn't.

Oh, it had been right incomparable, certainly.  Just not the way she'd wanted.

She arrived at the platform where the Hogwarts Express was waiting to take its students home for the summer.  Other students milled around her, talking, laughing, boarding the train.  She stood still for a moment, her eyes searching for his familiar figure.  She spotted him with his mates, the grin on his face making her heart ache.  That grin…it was supposed to have been hers for the last three months.  That floppy hair, those speaking eyes…his gentle hands and warm embraces… Those were all supposed to have been hers.

But they hadn't been.

She boarded the train without saying anything to him.  There wasn't anything to say.  The letter she would leave him right before her stop would tell him everything he needed to know.  Why they hadn't worked out.  Why it should have…but didn't.  Her hands were trembling as she searched for an empty compartment.  She needed time for herself, at least for a little while, to think things through.  No…there was nothing to think through.  She'd made her decision.  Better not give herself time to start having second thoughts.  So she chose a compartment with one of her closest mates and passed time chatting about what they planned to do during the summer holiday.

Finally, the whistle sounded and the Hogwarts Express lurched, and began its chug away from Hogwarts.  She glanced out of the window and waved to Hagrid, standing on the platform seeing the students off.  She smiled to herself.  So this was it.  The end of her 6th year.  In three months she'd be coming back a 7th year, ready to learn what was necessary before taking on the world.  She'd come a long way since she'd first received the letter from Hogwarts six years ago.

After a few hours' ride and conversation, scattered with a few stops, she realized hers would be next.  Gripping the parchment nervously, she bid her mate farewell and a happy holiday as she left in search for him.  Heart beating loudly in her ears, she passed many a compartment before she reached his.  He was with his mates, as well, and didn't even notice her until he boy sitting next to him elbowed him in the ribs.  He scowled, looked up, and met her eyes.

She swallowed.  It was hard coming to terms with the fact that he was no longer hers.  And that she was the one who had made the decision.  Although, he hadn't ever really been hers.  Not even in the beginning.  Not when he hadn't been willing to give himself…

"Hullo," she whispered.

"Hullo," he replied, coolly.

Biting her lip, reminding herself that this was the only way it could be, when he refused to sacrifice anything to a relationship to which she'd sacrificed everything.  It was a shame her heart refused to listen to logic.  It still cried out for the warmth of his embrace and the fire in his kisses.  She brought her free hand to her forehead and tried to calm her racing pulse.  "I-I just wanted to say goodbye," she murmured.

His expression didn't flicker.  "I was under the impression you'd covered that already."  He was referring to when she'd ended their relationship earlier that week.  She flinched.

This, she reminded herself and her traitorous heart, her arm dropping.  This was why things were over between them, why they would never be.  In his way, he loved her…but his definition of love was so different from hers they weren't even on the same page.  She shook her head in grief over what could've…should've been.

"Here," she said, her voice steady once again.  Her gaze never wavered from his face as she dropped the parchment on his lap.  "It's a letter," she explained, ignoring his sarcastic no-I-couldn't-figure-that-out-for-myself look.  "It's explanations for…" She hesitated.  "It's explanations."  She flicked the small compartment with a look.  "I have no problem with you sharing it with your mates but for your pride's sake," she shrugged.  Her eyes lingered on his face, regret in her eyes.  "I'd say 'I'm sorry,'" she whispered, "but it's not my apology to give."

He stared at her wordlessly for a moment.  She turned.  As she walked away, she heard him call her name.  She kept walking.

I will not cry.  I will not cry…

A rebellious tear slid down her cheek.

--

He stared at the rolled parchment in his hands, tied with a pretty ribbon, the color of her eyes.  She hadn't bothered to put it in an envelope…but what was the use when she wasn't mailing it?  He smoothed his fingers over the bumpy surface, trying not to remember the pain in her eyes, the regret in her voice.  It hadn't cost her nothing to end their relationship…something he hadn't taken into account that night she'd broken up with him.  All he had been capable of focusing on then was his shock…his rage…his pain.

He hadn't understood why.  He still didn't.  His eyes skimmed over the letter.  Explanations, she'd said.  It's explanations.

Exactly what he needed.

Excusing himself, he left his mates and ducked into an empty compartment.  He didn't focus on how lucky he was to find one, considering that there were still many people on the train.  He slid the ribbon off and unrolled the parchment.  His eyes drank in the words thirstily.

Explanations…

--

*****, I loved you.  There's no need to be beating around the bush on that, is there?  I suspect you know, anyhow.  I still love you.  So why did I end our relationship?  Why, when everyone thought we were so perfect together?  Why, when we seemed so right for each other?  Why, when I still love you?

How can I tell you why, *****?  It hurts me so to even think about it.  God, how I wish this whole ordeal had never even begun.  You loved me too, *****, didn't you?  I suppose I ought to be grateful for that.  But I can't be.

You see, I'm a romantic.  I suppose that seems rather silly, especially in a world that is crumbling around our ears as Voldemort (there's really no point in writing You-Know-Who when you do know who) tries to reclaim power.  But there's no helping it, truly.  I was raised as a romantic.  A girl who believed in fairy tales and happily-ever-afters.  I had set standards for my Prince Charming.

That's not to say I kept them the same after all these years.  I realized, as I grew, that some of my notions were inconceivable and quite silly.  Those I disregarded, crossed off my list, if you will.  However, some expectations I still harbored.  Some, I still cherished and held dear and oh so fervently wished my Prince Charming would personify.

Oh *****, how can I say how happy I was when we first began what I thought was a dream come true?  How can I say how disappointed I was when I realized it wasn't?  When I realized you weren't what I thought you were?  Don't take that wrong, *****.  I need to explain.

You were marvelous, quite brilliant beyond anything I dreamed of.  But you didn't love me…not the way I wanted to be loved.  Not the way I defined love.  Of course you loved me in your own way ***** but it wasn't love.  Not to me.

I suppose you're royally pissed at me now.  What on earth is she prattling on about?  How can she say I didn't love her?  But *****, I can.  I do.  You see…well, actually, this might be a better way to explain myself.  Have patience with me, *****, I promise I am not going on about nothing.  Let me show you…a list of sorts, if you will, about what love is supposed to be…to me, that is.

~What Love Is Supposed To Be~

-When a girl is nervous about her first kiss, the guy doesn't tease her.

-When she feels sad, he'll tell her he can make everything better, even if he can't, but he'll try.

-When she wants a hug, he'll give it to her willingly.

-When she catches his eye from across a crowded room, he'll smile at her.

-When she waves, he'll wave back and not pretend he didn't see.

-When she wants to do something exceptionally stupid, he'll stop her.

-When she sees him with another girl and gets jealous, he'll hug her and say there's nothing to worry about.

-When she apologizes, he accepts it.

-When she cries, he holds her in his arms.

-When she laughs, he does all he can to keep her happy.

-When she wants to spend time with him, he'll do his best to find time instead of brushing it off saying he's too busy.

-When she does something worthy of congratulations, he'll congratulate her.

-When she wants to spend time with her friends, he'll understand.

-When she tells him she loves him, he won't not say it back.

-When she kisses him, he'll kiss back no matter where they are and who might see them.

-When she tries to comfort him, he'll let her.

-When she hugs him, he'll hug back.

-When she smiles at him from across a room, he'll smile back.

-When she waves back at him, he'll know she cares.

-When she tries to stop him from doing something exceptionally stupid, he'll realize she's right.

-When she tells him there's nothing to be jealous about, he'll trust her.

-When she accepts his apology, he'll try not to do anything else to make apologizing necessary.

-When she holds him when he cries, he'll realize it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

-When she does what she can to make him happy, he'll be thankful.

-When she finds time to spend with him because he misses her, he'll make that time worthwhile.

-When she congratulates him, he'll be proud of accomplishing what he accomplished.

-When she says she understands that he wants some time with his friends, he'll believe her.

-When she says she loves him too, he'll know it's true.

I suppose that may sound like a lot to ask, but to me, it's the general basis of a real relationship.  The main point I wanted to make with that list was that "They won't take each other for granted."  That would be number 29, I suppose.  Surly you know what I mean.  Everything on this list...it was everything we should've been, but wasn't.  I regret that.

Goodbye, *****.  Do try to understand.  It shouldn't be much fun if you began to hate me.  I'll see you next year at Hogwarts, hopefully still as friends.  I shall miss you terribly this summer.

Yours (though you're mine no longer),

*****

--

He stared at the parchment in his hands, unbelieving.  Had it really been…was it really his… Where had it all gone wrong?  He leaned his head against the back of the seat, staring blankly at the ceiling.  So this was it… This was why… Everything was over.

Turning his head, he gazed at the passing landscape.  Mione, he thought, his heart wrenching at the way she'd ended her letter.  She had been his.  She, beautiful, smart, laughing Mione, had been his.  And he'd lost her.

He clenched his fist, crumbling the paper in his hands.  It couldn't end this way!  He stood and tore out the compartment, looking for her.  The Hogwarts Express was almost at her stop, true, but it wasn't there yet.  He had time.

Very little time.

Then he saw her.  Her name flew off his lips and he saw her stop, slowly turning to face him, her luggage behind her, already prepared to disembark.  He saw her lips form his name, though no sound escaped.

He reached her and stopped, staring down into her face, not knowing what to say.  Finally, he managed to get out, "Number thirty.  You forgot number thirty."

She stared at him, her eyes wide.  "What?" she whispered.

"Number thirty on your list," he said raggedly.  "When she gives him a second chance, he'll know how precious she is to him, learn from every blasted mistake in the past, and never again take her for granted because he loves her so bloody much."  He held her gaze unwaveringly, pleading, hoping, for her assent.

Finally, she spoke.  "Harry," she said simply, a tear sliding down her cheek.

_~fin~_

A/N: That's the end of that!  Hope ya liked.  And the ending is sort of ambiguous for a reason… Review and tell me if you think Harry got his second chance or not!  O.o Ciao. 

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